In Heaven

Thank you to everyone that was able to come and celebrate Lee Anne's life today and to those behind the scenes that made today possible.

We are overwhelmed by your love and support.

A rose for my beautiful bride in heaven...

.... a strong and courageous woman. As her life on earth began to draw to a close people commented more and more about her physical and spiritual strength. Almost everyone she came into contact with noticed that there was something different, something special about her. One young woman texted us that, “it was amazing to see the love your family had for one another and the power and strength of your faith”. A housemate back in Kingston years ago commented that Lee Anne and I were “trapped in our belief system” “that religion was cultural”, “a crutch for weak people”. Yet the life experience I’ve shared with Lee Anne has demonstrated and continues to show the intimate presence of the God, his manifest glory in our lives. Lee Anne had a great sense of peace and readiness to go to heaven. She died only a few hours after we prayed together for God to bring her home. Now that she is gone I am full of praise to God as Isaiah 57 verses 18-19 says “I will comfort those who mourn, bringing words of praise to their lips. May they have abundant peace both near and far, says the Lord who heals them”. Though I am deeply saddened at my personal loss, I would not have wanted to keep Lee Anne from heaven for a moment longer. Perhaps the children are still in shock too but they also have peace and confidence in the new way of life that stands before us. When I asked them what they will miss most about Mommy all replied, “we’ll miss everything about her Daddy”. Yet I know that God will enable me to be both a mother and father to the children something that Lee had no doubts about. In addition to the doctors and nurses that cared for Lee Anne, God has also given so many of you to support us with with meals, child care, finances and with new friendships for which we are all so very grateful. Even for making this service such a celebration of Lee Anne’s life. Thank you all

His kingdom reigns 

Funeral Details

Hello everyone,

Here is a link to the funeral details for Lee Anne. She passed away peacefully on Thursday, May 12th, 2016. The funeral is at noon on Wednesday, May 18th with a visitation beginning at 10am.

We’re all still in somewhat of a daze but thank you for your continued prayers and support. We’ve also been blessed by many of you who have brought or bought meals for us. It’s really appreciated. 

For the Lord

2:22 pm - Lee Anne Phair Cowley passed peacefully with Nick, Sandra, Wally and Jonathan at her side

"For none of us lives for ourselves alone, and none of us dies for ourselves alone. If we live, we live for the Lord; and if we die, we die for the Lord. So, whether we live or die, we belong to the Lord. For this very reason, Christ died and returned to life so that he might be the Lord of both the dead and the living."

Romans 14:7-9

5:30am - Lee has a rough night and is declining very rapidly now. She had to have extra medication every 2 hours throughout the night.

9:30am -  Lee Anne doesn't have much longer to be with us here on earth. The doctor advised that we all give her permission to leave and we have. She belongs to the Lord Jesus Christ as she has from the beginning to eternity.

As the scripture above describes Lee has never lived for her self alone, always giving of herself to others. 

Even in these final days and hours she wants to relieve our suffering as her own.

It's so terribly awful to die from this disease but praise God for the doctors, nurses and medications that make this transition from this world to the next as comfortable as possible.

11am - The infusion of pain meds continue to be increased with the addition of sedatives. This helps with the delirium caused by the imbalance of her body's electrolytes. She feels so cold to our touch yet feels warm in herself. 

Please pray for her to leave the pain of her earthly body and move to a joyful presence with the Lord.

As we drove back and forth to the hospital this past Saturday and Sunday she commented each time on the beauty of the Magnolia blossoms. Let us remember our beautiful times with Lee Anne as we continue to grieve and pray.

Comfort

"And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast."

1 Peter 5:10

Lee Anne had a peaceful first night in palliative care. We have a private room with nice view overlooking Alexandra Park.

The new doctor is excellent and spent over an hour describing how best to keep Lee comfortable.

To my amazement Lee had a burst of energy for a short time this morning and was able to write letters to the children.

Transition

"But those who suffer he delivers in their suffering; he speaks to them in their affliction. "He is wooing you from the jaws of distress to a spacious place free from restriction, to the comfort of your table laden with choice food."

Job 36:15-16

11:31pm - now that we're in palliative care I get to have a sleepover with my beautiful darling wonderful Lee. She's fallen asleep now.

9:48pm - Jonathan, Lee Anne's brother arrived with freezie's and popsicles which Lee Anne enjoyed very much.

6:50pm - the girls and Noah said their goodbyes 😭  Lee comfortable and eating ice chips.

4:53pm - settled into room, Lee very sleepy but not in pain. Kids coming for a visit.

3:24pm - Lee is off IV fluids

1:15pm - pain pump is on and set at a low rate to start with. She can push the button and get a dose every 20 minutes.

12:45pm - we're scheduled to move to palliative care with the the next hour or so. A "pain pump" is also being set up so Lee Anne can manage the pain medication herself.

12pm - Please pray that Lee Anne's pain will decrease and that a new medication will help. We're waiting to be transferred to palliative care.

10am - Lee had a rough night

Under His Wings

"He will cover you with his feathers,

and under his wings you will find refuge"

Psalm 91:4

Lee's condition is deteriorating quite rapidly. The doctor has more than tripled her pain medication over the past 2 days. We're discussing moving Lee to the palliative care ward tomorrow and stopping IV hydration.

At the current time, Lee kindly asks that everyone stop sending her emails and text messages. It's not that she doesn't want to hear from you but she doesn't have the energy to reply. Sadly, she's also not up to receiving visitors anymore. I can be reached at 416 557-5700 or nick.cowley@gmail.com

We continue to appreciate your prayers for healing and comfort.

Mothers Day

For the second day in a row, Lee Anne has left the hospital on a "day pass".

We all went to the church at the girl's school today. We're back at the hospital now before the pain and nausea caught up with her. She's resting happily now.

The Mother's Day message focussed on one verse:

"The wise woman builds her house,

but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down." Prov 14:1

Lee Anne is truly a wise women. She has built a solid foundation in the children's lives, loved them even before they were born, working exhaustively for them, exemplifying what it is to be a godly woman; after her own mother, while at the same time providing encouragement for them.

I have quite the act to follow but am already seeing the fruits of her hard labour and unfailing love. 

9:00pm - Lee's had more pain today but we're staying on top of it now by increasing her routine amount of hydromorphone. The nurse also just told me that Lee Anne is a very strong and courageous woman.

10:30pm - Lee asleep, driving home listening to one of Lee's favourite songs "All I Ask"

Home for a few hours

Lee was able to come home for a few hours today. It was so good to spend family time just having lunch and watching the kids jump on the trampoline in our back yard.

She is alert and didn't throw up at all. If all goes well overnight we plan on going to Faithway church tomorrow to listen to one of our daughters sing.

One of her doctors told me what to expect over the next few days to weeks and it's so hard to comprehend. Just unbelievable.

Roller coaster

Today and yesterday weren't as good as this past Tuesday. As you can imagine the physical and emotional burden weighs heavily upon Lee and she's really tired.

Trying the pill forms of the medication didn't work as she couldn't keep them down 😢

We're still "living with" cancer but it's an up and down ride.

Please pray that Lee Anne will have the strength and motivation to come home this weekend for a few hours before returning to the hospital.

Beautiful day

It's a beautiful day and Lee Anne and I are planning on going for a walk/wheel chair in the park soon. Lee Anne loves to see the new green buds burst forth from the trees in spring time, her favourite season. She's had me out in the garden many times in early winter planting bulbs in the dark just before the ground froze. This is characteristic of her gift for planning beautiful things for the future.

"He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live.

That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."

Ecc 3:11-13

Although very tired, Lee's also been able to keep her fluids down so far today. She likes blue freezie's. The NG tube was also switched yesterday from continuous suction to gravity drain. These are good signs in terms of Lee Anne's comfort.

Tonight, we're also looking forward to seeing Kathryn, Lee Anne's sister who's flying in from Germany today.

3:10pm - Lee did go for a walk with two friends that came by. She was happy to be unteathered for a while. She's now eating some homemade chicken soup and Cheerio's. Please pray that she can keep it down.

3:40pm - Lee Anne is on a lot of antinausea and pain medication but the doctor just saw Lee Anne and said that she is going to wean Lee Anne off IV and switch to the pill form for one of them. Although the situation could change I'm encouraged that we're moving in the right direction. Please continue to pray for her bowels to free themselves from the cancer so they can work again. She's sleeping peacefully now.

8:00pm - our oncologist dropped in to see us and said that "Lee Anne is doing very well". Although it's early days there was even talk of the possibility of "going home" for a few hours or even a day.

Encouragement

After a direct conversation with our ward doctor about what to expect and what decisions lie ahead, an encouraging reminder in pictures of words,

Tears welled up more frequently today as we try and come to terms with the severity of Lee Anne's inability to eat or drink. What we had thought was a single "mechanical" obstruction is in all likelihood multiple "invasive and adhesive" malignant cancerous growth binding Lee's bowels together such that they no longer function.

Thankfully the pastor from the girls school came to visit to remind us, amongst other things, of the Lord's Prayer, 

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven."  Mat 6:9-10

So although we desperately want Lee Anne to be fully healed physically and should still pray for this, it's important to remember God's will and plan for all our lives. God did not cause Lee Anne to get cancer but works all things together for her good revealing His glory, His manifest presence and His love for us all.

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. For the creation waits in eager expectation for the children of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the freedom and glory of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption to sonship, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what they already have? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for God’s people in accordance with the will of God. And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose. For those God foreknew he also predestined to be conformed to the image of his Son, that he might be the firstborn among many brothers and sisters. And those he predestined, he also called; those he called, he also justified; those he justified, he also glorified." Rom 8:18-32

The pastor also taught us that the Lord often refers to himself as a refuge, a stronghold, or a high tower, a safe, secluded place where we can go in times of trouble.

 "The Lord is a refuge for the oppressed, a stronghold in times of trouble. Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you." Psalm 9:9

"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in him" Nahum 1:7

Many of you may ask yourself why God allows us to suffer and why He would allow a wife to be taken from her husband and a mother from her children. But it is more that God is bringing Lee to himself than taking her away from us. Moreover that will we soon follow her and be reunited with her again. Yes, we are sad and yes, the physical suffering is unbearable for Lee Anne at times, and yes we don't know why God is allowing this but we do know that His grace is sufficient for us, that we will get through this. Thanks be to God for the peace that passes understanding.